Turkey Trot Runners Just All Agree To Pretend They Ran

The Turkey Trot is a peculiarly American custom in which people choose a day notable for overeating to go on a five kilometer run. For residents of the town of Plemmons Ohio, this seeming contradiction led to a mutual truce and agreement to just pretend they all ran.

“I think the idea is to claim you’re working off the 4,000 calorie meal you eat,” said Hannah Jackson. “Running the Trot allows you to have that extra slice of pie, or plate of stuffing, or mac and cheese. Mmm. Mac and cheese.”

As the American holiday has – like most American holidays – spread to the days before and after, the idea of running on Thursday morning appeals less and less to people, however.

“We were off work Wednesday, and I’ve already been to one Friendsgiving and a party that featured holiday-themed Jell-O shots,” said Jackson. “I got out my running shoes Thanksgiving morning and just felt like barfing.”

The decision to not run was a spontaneous one, which gained traction as, when the starting bell rang, every runner lined up simply sighed and looked around to see who was going to start first.

“Usually, there’s that one guy who starts, and then everyone else feels guilty, so they grudgingly trot forth,” said Turkey Trot organizer Gavin MacDermott. “I guess that one guy slept in today.”

Race organizers eventually just passed out the medals for completing the race, as runners milled around long enough so they could reasonably claim to their families that they’d run.

“Still having the extra mac and cheese,” said Jackson. “It’s the thought that counts, right?”