The death of noted author Harper Lee has thrown DC Entertainment into a panic as apparently the struggling comics behemoth had just signed a $50 million contract with Lee’s representative to plot out the next six DC movies.
“Every book Lee wrote became a classic,” said visibly frustrated DC vice president Harmon Greene. “For Christ’s sake, we just wired the goddamn money on Monday. She couldn’t have stuck around for at least the first draft?”
DC has been struggling to turn its iconic comic book characters into a profitable multi-film ‘extended universe’, delaying projects for years, making questionable casting and creative decisions, and generally failing to impress anyone. DC has also announced that the recent “New 52” overhaul, in which they rebooted virtually every comic title they publish, has been a “mistake” and that the company is seeking to re-reboot again. Harper Lee was an integral part of this strategy.
“She was gonna write the script for the Justice League movie, get the project out of development hell,” said Greene, slamming back a shot of bourbon. “Where else are we gonna find a writer with the chops to bring this together? I hear Hemingway’s good. Is he still around?”
DC has floundered as rival comic company Marvel has soared in recent years. With every record-breaking movie Marvel released, from Iron Man to Guardians of the Galaxy, DC executives tore their hair out and tried to reverse-engineer Marvel’s success.
“Iron Man was a D-level hero, and a fucking alcoholic to boot,” fumed Greene. “And so was Robert Downey Jr. for that matter. What the fuck happened? How are they making money off this? Did they make a deal with the devil? Cause we’re ready to deal, man. Lucifer, my door is always open to you.”
Critics have argued that DC’s real problems are limited creative vision and a total lack of understanding on the company executives’ part of what makes their heroes popular.
“Hiring Harper Lee is sort of an example of just how much DC doesn’t get it,” said noted film critic Jeffrey Toobin. “Ten to one someone in the DC offices thought she was related to Stan Lee.”
“She’s not?” said Greene, his mouth agape. “Oh, fuck. Maybe it’s a good thing she died.”