Tired by a steady trickle of media coverage in which privileged white men are sometimes almost held accountable for their actions, the wealthy white business community is up in arms.
“That Manafort fellow was actually convicted for just normal stuff,” huffed Gregory Porpentine, a hedge fund manager. “Of course you use offshore accounts and shell companies to vacuum up as much money as you can. It’s the American way. I have half a mind to call my Senator. Or I can just talk to him when we play golf this weekend.”
Worried that tens of affluent businessmen might be inconvenienced by suggestions that they owe anything to society, or should feel shame for their actions, old white men everywhere are harrumphing in earnest.
“What the hell do we pay these politicians for?” groused Kevin Tumbasen. “I don’t want to see the State Attorney General bothering my broker, or my caddy, or my perfectly legitimate business partner Sergei. Why aren’t they out there rounding up colored people for misdemeanors?”
For some, the solution has been to purchase local media outlets, to provide a more pleasing news environment free from unwarranted facts. There has also been a movement to outlaw the serving of subpoenas in golf clubs and any domicile worth at least $1.5 million.
“There have to be limits, by God,” said Porpentine. “People won’t put up with this for long.”
“That’s for damn sure,” muttered the waiter.