With the unexpected death of Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, Republican National Committee Chair Reince Priebus is dismayed at having wasted his last wish from that genie on a sandwich.
“I’d already wished for wealth and power,” lamented Priebus, desperately polishing the lamp containing the genie. “A sandwich handmade by Cleopatra and Hillary Clinton seemed like the logical choice for my third wish! Who could have foreseen the loss of a conservative justice so soon?”
Scalia, a reliably conservative justice with a sharp intellect and scathing wit, was the vocal cornerstone of the Supreme Court’s conservative half. Without that third wish to bring Scalia back from the dead, or maybe turn Ruth Ginsburg into a Libertarian or something, Priebus has realized that his party is royally screwed.
“My hotline from the Koch Brothers’ office lit up the minute Scalia’s death was announced,” Priebus whispered, rubbing the lamp even harder and peering desperately out the door of his office. “They’re the ones who gave me the lamp, you know. I haven’t had the nerve to answer yet. I buried the hotline phone out back. It won’t stop ringing!”
Priebus declined to comment on whether the sandwich was worth it or not.