Editors at famed satirical publication The Onion expressed frustration with the incoming Trump administration, complaining that the White House’s ludicrous actions were overtaking their best satirical efforts on an hourly basis.
“We had this great piece about Trump locking down the USDA because he didn’t agree with the way they evaluate Vitamin D,” said Onion editor Paul Olantro. “Then he goddamned well actually did it. So we came up with another piece about the EPA. And then he locked them down too. It’s a moving target – we can’t stay ahead of them.”
The Onion tried a lateral move, fabricating a feud between the White House and the manufacturers of an obscure niche ice cream product, but that move proved futile as well.
“We thought a feud with Dippin’ Dots was about as absurd a thing as you could ask for,” grumbled Olantro. “Dippin’ Dots for crying out loud. They’re the polka dots of the dessert world. Seemed safely ludicrous to us. We had some great comments from Area Man, too. But Sean Spicer already used them all.”
Some have theorized that the Onion may actually be predicting the future, or even inspiring the White House to new heights of lunacy. Olantro disputed such notions, but sources off the record indicate that the Onion is cautiously scrubbing planned stories about Trump starting a war with Canada and revoking the citizenship of everyone living in California.
“I never thought being a humorist would be so challenging,” said Olantro. “It’s almost like we’ve become actual journalists. Area Man would not approve.”